[Dedicated to my mother, father, brother and that girl who knows I really love her]
Since I have been on anti-depressants for many years, I finally arranged with my mother to see a psychiatrist regarding appropriate dosage. I won't go into the details of that confidential relationship and the matter discussed. Forced, however, to confront my thinking, I feel compelled to revisit the "consequences" of my past. For me, my depression started to seem like a logical response to an existential problem in an illogical mode. I have faced what made me 'sick' about our human sickness, and now I hope to trace our steps to wellness.
Deryck Cooke wrote that Mahler confronted the 'Spirit of Denial'. In my past, depression was my response to society's lack of faith in the power of human faith. Remember, Margaret Thatcher declared 'society does not exist'. That worm gnaws at the heart. And it gnawed at my mind, everyday - for many years..
~ I don't necessarily mean religious faith: I mean the faith that dreams are attainable; that human, romantic love, though unseen by others, IS real; that justice, truth and beauty are eternal and must never be compromised by politics or ego; that justice IS NOT for sale; that lies, duplicity and moral relativity are chancres on the soul, not clever stratagems for success; that there is life beyond the individual, indeed that life is possible no other way; that bloodshed, vengeance and hatred destroy our collective body within and others without; that one has to stand up for one's beliefs and one's joys in the face of tragedy and cynicism. That, to speak in generalities, is sometimes the road to truth.
But maybe I do not know whereof I speak... Do we?
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